Category Archives: Technology

Mobile Phones On Trial

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At the time of writing there are 7,075,013,000 people living, breathing, working, sleeping, farting, fighting and fucking on this planet SO, as Tyler Durden famously remarked in Fight Club, “You are not special.  You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.  You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else.”  Deep down, I think everyone recognises this…until they get their hands on a mobile phone at which point they come to think of themselves as a cross between Jack Bauer, Bono and Batman; the world simply cannot survive without them!

Exhibit A

Call me old fashioned but I still think dinner and a movie is a pretty unbeatable way to spend an evening with your loved one so last Saturday I took Mrs Lore off for a bite and a Bruce Willis sci-fi-actioner called Looper.  The film was unusually excellent thanks to both Bruce and Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s convincing portrayals of each other but also because it dared to be a little complex asking the audience to at least leave their brains ticking over rather than turning them off completely.  Apparently this was still too much for some and one middle-aged mook in front of me got about 90% of the way through the movie before deciding it was all a bit beyond him and took out his mobile phone.  Now, I’ll forgive someone a single message; who knows, maybe they’re a doctor on call…or actually Batman.  But when I see that Facebook blue, glowing like a cheap neon sign in the gloom I lose it!

I leant forward until I was sure he could feel my breath gently rustling his ear hair then, in my deepest and most manly voice, said “If you’re too stupid to understand the film I suggest you go outside and post an update asking someone to explain it to you.”  He tried to look offended but could only look down to find he had no legs to stand on.  At the beginning of the bill we were all told, in no uncertain terms, by the cartoon bouncer on the screen that mobile phones were to remain off for the comfort of all audience members – but didn’t we already know that?!

Exhibit B

Continuing our cultural odyssey Mrs Lore and I also visited the local Playhouse for a Sunday matinee performance of Pangdemonium’s Swimming With Sharks; a biting satire about Hollywood.  The play was well acted and smartly staged and opened with a brief film commissioned especially for this production.  The film; elaborately scripted and starring the peerless Adrian Pang, was essentially a begging note to the audience pleading with them to please, please, please turn off their damn phones!  Nevermind the fact that the occasionally obscene nature of the play meant this was an audience consisting entirely of adults who, by the way, had paid around S$70 each for the privilege of being there – the producers still felt compelled to spend a good portion of their production budget on a film reminding punters not to disturb actors or fellow audience members by using their phones.  My question is why?

Closing Argument

WHY PEOPLE, WHY?!  What’s so important that you HAVE to pick up your phone regardless of where you are or what you’re doing but NOT so important that you could leave your house to do it?  Who are you?  What do you do?  Are you the Prime Minister or President of an unknown country in a state of national emergency?  In all probability NO!  You are a schmuck!  But that’s okay because I am a schmuck and there is nothing wrong with being a schmuck but that means the world can live without your input for a couple of hours.  And you can live without it’s.  You are not missing anything.  Actually, scratch that, you are missing something.  You are missing the film/play/intimidate-moment-with-your-partner that, for a small investment of your time and attention, would provide far more satisfaction than a fucking text message finished off with an emoticon masquerading as real affection!  I frequently recommend films, performances, galleries, and restaurants to friends who report back that their experience was underwhelming only to find out that they spent half the time with their face buried in the glow of their mobile phones.  THIS IS NOT LIVING PEOPLE!  So do yourself a favour and choose life.  Choose experiences, intimacy and enlightenment.  Choose to turn OFF your mobile phone, don’t wait to be told.

The Cult of Apple

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If you’ve read any of my recent posts you’ll know I’ve been on the road a bit lately and my most recent trip was to Hong Kong where, thanks to a favourable exchange rate and a complete lack of will power, I finally purchased an iPad.  I say ‘finally’ because I have been molesting my friends’ devices for some time but, like a melon in a supermarket, you can only touch for so long before you are obliged to buy so I headed off to Wan Chai Computer Centre in search of the best deal.

As I said, the exchange rate was favourable and I managed to cut a decent enough deal on a 16Gb Wi-fi only edition plus a free case. (Tip: If you already own an iPhone don’t buy the 3G version, just switch on your iPhone’s Personal Hotspot setting and your iPad can piggy back on the connection).  That night I plugged it in, loaded it up and dreamt of a fun-filled flight home!

The following day, after checking in at Hong Kong International, Mrs Lore and I made our way to the gate via the security screening.  As is custom I removed my belt and shoes from my person and my MacBook from my bag…and my iPhone…and my new iPad!  The guy next to me remarked, dryly, that my tray looked like an Apple Store and that’s when iRealized; subtly, slyly, stylishly, over the last eight years Steve Jobs has inducted me into the Cult of Apple.

It Started With An iPod

Like many people my first introduction to Apple was through the iPod, a gift from my lovely ex-girlfriend around 2003.  I was, like everybody, seduced by its beauty, awed by its ability and floored by its functionality and it wasn’t long before I bought my first iMac off eBay in Bondi Blue (just LOOK at it – swoon).  By 2006 I was getting itchy for something new, I loved the portability of my iPod but despite the handle on my iMac it wasn’t practical to take it on the bus so I went large and bought myself a MacBook; a gorgeous, glossy white 13.3 inches of form and functionality that serves me still…as a back up.  You see, once you go Mac you don’t go back, you just go on and on buying ever smaller, ever faster, ever-sexier versions of the same devices – even if you don’t need them (and I did NOT need to buy that MacBook Pro)!  This is why, in the last eight years, I have slavishly bought the following Apple hardware products (let’s not even talk about what I’ve spent in the iTunes and App Stores):

  • iPod Classic (2003)
  • iMac (2004)
  • MacBook (2006)
  • iPod 30Gb (2008)
  • iPhone 3G (2009)
  • Apple TV (2009)
  • iPhone 4 (2010)
  • MacBook Pro (2011)
  • iPad 2 (2011)

It’s a cult and at its head is/was the legendary, pioneering genius Steve Jobs – the only head of a tech firm whose annual keynote address is downloaded and watched by millions of devoted fan boys (and girls) like me.  As the Elvis of Silicon Valley one can’t help thinking that his untimely death will propel him into the pantheon of pop-culture icons.  Like Elvis he was a star, like Kurt a rebel and like John an inspiration, I hope his legacy is respected and his work continues to enrich the lives of millions – even if it is costing me a fortune!!

Steven Has Left The Building

I didn’t intend for this post to be a tribute to Steve Jobs but since it’s turned out that way I think I’ll leave it with a link to his stirring Stanford commencement address from 2005.  If you’ve never watched it, you must.  If you have watched it then maybe, like me, you’ll find it refreshing to watch again and use it as a yardstick for measuring your own achievements.

…Or, put another way, “Try not.  Do or do not, there is no try.” – Yoda